I day dreamed about being a happily married mom as long as I can remember. It wasn’t what I’d imagined because my little one has colic for her first 4 months. Every evening she wailed in pain. I exhausted every remedy the stupid hospital booklet suggested and I wore the phone dial out calling La Leche League.
Finally I let my baby cry (and I cried too) while I took a bath and tried to read. I was so sad that my baby was so upset every night. All through that season I wasn’t sure what say it was and I was especially alone. My friends were working and childless. I went out for walks with my baby every day. We went to the beach with a friend a few times during those months. But, every night I was consoling my baby. I don’t think my friends and family knew what to do with me. I was obsessed with trying to help my child. I felt wrecked but determined to survive.
By Christmas the colic had disappeared and the nights became peaceful for my girl and I.
My whole life had changed when I had a baby. I had to make a big choice to leave the social life that I had for her. I loved her so much and was so bonded with her that I knew spending my time with her was the best choice. It was where I wanted to be. I gravitated to women with kids and took lots of mental notes.